M&M’s Survival of the Fittest
October 12, 2007 // Food & Drinks

Jeff sent me this bizarre ‘Best of Craigslist‘ posting, from a man in Tampa Bay, and I thought I’d share it:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Pure Genius.

Bobby

  1. that is definitely one wicked idea.
    hilarious!!

    Comment by Chris Halsted — October 13, 2007 #

  2. compliments of TARA Q

    all of prolly@ enjoyed this, too.

    Comment by Jeff — October 15, 2007 #

  3. :D cool idea. we used eggs as kids. ;)

    Comment by ksklein — October 18, 2007 #

  4. mental! i wish i loved M&Ms. i need to find a way to duel my fave chocolate biscuits! :D

    Comment by Elit Alice — October 18, 2007 #

  5. LOL! You’re the best (and a little mad xD)!

    Comment by Frafra — October 18, 2007 #

  6. And I thought I was weird with my M&M’s.

    Comment by Joshua Rudd — October 18, 2007 #

  7. Haha. This is the best!

    Comment by Andy — October 18, 2007 #

  8. A co-worker and I actually tried this the afternoon after I posted this.
    It is quite fun, although we had several M&Ms shooting across the room from the intensity!

    Comment by Bobby S. — October 18, 2007 #

  9. This is a random efect, not natural selection!!!

    Comment by Andrés — October 18, 2007 #

  10. [...] [kitsunenoir] & [...]

    Pingback by Saki Wrote What?!! » When Others get Creative: Survival of the Fittest — October 18, 2007 #

  11. M&Ms: The Eugenics War

    Coming to a theater near you…

    Comment by DAVE ID — October 20, 2007 #

  12. *facepalm*
    *giggle*

    I so needed this today. :D

    Comment by Xedra — October 26, 2007 #

  13. This piece has been circulating for years – I first read it ten+ years ago and spent a few high school lunch periods smashing m&ms. Glad to see it’s getting some more attention.

    Comment by Anne — October 28, 2007 #

  14. [...] Enough ranting – on to the candy! [...]

    Pingback by Zenzoa : Pirate Ninja Zombie — November 1, 2007 #